Brosquad Christmas Letter

Wowsers. 2009 has been quite a year for the bro squad. There were triumphs, laughs, tears, innuendo, deception, trickery, outrage, treason, attempted murder, hugs, and smiles. Here's a little update on how the gangs been doing.

A handful of us graduated! I know, we were as surprised as you. Papa Jeff studied hard and rocked his way through his final semester and locked down gainful employment! His future's looking bright! There is a bad omen though. My psychic told me that only two of the Berens triplets will become successful. No surprise right? Well, bad news is that one of them is Aaron.

Aunt Rhonda graduated too! Her last minute "bargaining" with her Genetics TA paid off. We're so proud of her. If she plays her cards right maybe the other unemployed college grads, Roman and I, can hook her up with a position with us flipping burgers.

Little Timmy has impressed us all again this year. Somehow, despite all odds, hes still a freshman, despite not being a freshman. Uncle Dustin couldn't even pull that off more than 3 years.

Kips Wells is awesome. That's all there is to say him.

Bennett and Josh are doing well. No holes punched in the walls of their new place. Yet. Plus only a few more years of living together and they'll earn that common law marriage they've been waiting for.

Speaking of gay, our Hilbig turned out to be straight. Go figure. AND hes got a girlfriend! Right? Is that what you would call that thing that happened in that bathroom in Old Town? Its hard to tell anymore. That's what you get when you're raised by Uncle Dustin. Oh Uncle Dustin. He told me I had a pretty mouth the other day. I asked him to stop licking his fingers. God has blessed us with Dustin's health this year this year. The tumor in his left tit turned out to be benign. Good thing, I don't know how I could have made it with out that tit, I mean Uncle Dustin.

We weren't quite so lucky with Keith. His right hand is still in a cast. Lucky for us that lends itself to a number of crude jokes about his ability to pleasure himself. So in the end it wasn't such a bad thing. In a piece of good news the adoption of Carlos into the brosquad went through. Some people were upset at this. These people are known as racists. We are so happy to have out little bundle of joy as part of our family.

As for me I'm doing fine. No more job, I've been hitting the bottle, moved back home, picked up cocaine; you know, whatever.

That about wraps it up for us. I hope your holidays are filled with warmth and joy for better reasons than mine are. Take that how you will. Merry Christmas!